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Confused

Trapped in a parallel universe

Had an encounter with the person I’ve always wanted to be, but observed from a distance

I can’t be that person because that’ll be losing my identity,

I’m tired of this uncertainty,

My mind doesn’t like me,

My head plots against me,

And my emotions fucking play with me,

I’m not even in control of my own body,

It does what it wants and then regret later.

Only thing I’m allowed to control in my body it’s my eye so I can see myself making same mistakes over and over again and my heart so I can feel the pain.

What scares me about myself is the fact that I’m ok with everything wrong about to happen, no pain no heartbreak no hurt just this numb feeling of emptiness.

I’m lost

Why’d you give me space?Why’d we fight? Now all I can think about is someone I used to know, someone i have nothing with no more, someone I can’t go back to all of a sudden I miss her, well that was just a moment of weakness. I know I can’t fully have you, You let me know you’re spoken for but relentlessly I pestered on and now we’re in the other side, I’m left wondering if I know what I’m doing, if I made a right choice, if you can love two people at the same time. I know I’m living a lie, it feels like I’m waiting for my mirage to come crashing down and the painful breeze of reality comes brining me back to this old person, someone I left behind for a time or so I thought, I don’t want to be that person any more, it feels trapped, anxiety, depression, it feels sad really really sad, it feels like i can’t breathe. The irony of it’s all is that I loathe the old person but deep deep down I miss and want him back.

Cookie:2:50a.m

I keep staring at your pictures and videos

My thoughts made you my oasis

On a regular basis

Cloudy weather siege

My comfort peach

In the same lucid dreams they’re troubled waters

Lessing bad days and stormy weathers

You’ve made me look forward to making it through the day sane as look forward to seeing you

Frozen in time before you arrived

With your fiery hug you strived

Freed me of myself no longer numb

Block

I feel like with each breath I take am losing myself and getting more unsatisfied with it.
I feel like the weight of the whole world rests upon my shoulder, I feel like they are patiently waiting for me to screw up. The pain of rejection hurts more than death. I was told once that time heals the deepest wound and also leave the nastiest scare, I always visualized talking to you, I always thought of what to say to and now I have the courage I don’t feel like talking no more. Drowned in my thoughts, chocked by my feelings, my mind fogy playing tricks on me I don’t understand i wished I had a wish to take the pain away
Cause those p**l can’t help me.💔

Words

Do not measure yourself by the success of others, do not make it a habit to be what people expect you to be. Everyone is different and special in their way.
This is a sad world filled with disappointment
Humans that’s what the universe calls us, this world wasn’t made fair so it took out its revenge on us humans. Some people are handed shit while some work for what we want. Being black means survival, that a fact that black means survivals ï’š.
       Many people try to change who they the are so people would like them but truly everyone’s broken and messed up but their better hiding it than you are, always remember the world doesn’t revolve round a person.
        Am proud to be black. Black life’s matter