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Confused

Trapped in a parallel universe

Had an encounter with the person I’ve always wanted to be, but observed from a distance

I can’t be that person because that’ll be losing my identity,

I’m tired of this uncertainty,

My mind doesn’t like me,

My head plots against me,

And my emotions fucking play with me,

I’m not even in control of my own body,

It does what it wants and then regret later.

Only thing I’m allowed to control in my body it’s my eye so I can see myself making same mistakes over and over again and my heart so I can feel the pain.

What scares me about myself is the fact that I’m ok with everything wrong about to happen, no pain no heartbreak no hurt just this numb feeling of emptiness.

I’m lost

Why’d you give me space?Why’d we fight? Now all I can think about is someone I used to know, someone i have nothing with no more, someone I can’t go back to all of a sudden I miss her, well that was just a moment of weakness. I know I can’t fully have you, You let me know you’re spoken for but relentlessly I pestered on and now we’re in the other side, I’m left wondering if I know what I’m doing, if I made a right choice, if you can love two people at the same time. I know I’m living a lie, it feels like I’m waiting for my mirage to come crashing down and the painful breeze of reality comes brining me back to this old person, someone I left behind for a time or so I thought, I don’t want to be that person any more, it feels trapped, anxiety, depression, it feels sad really really sad, it feels like i can’t breathe. The irony of it’s all is that I loathe the old person but deep deep down I miss and want him back.

Cookie:2:50a.m

I keep staring at your pictures and videos

My thoughts made you my oasis

On a regular basis

Cloudy weather siege

My comfort peach

In the same lucid dreams they’re troubled waters

Lessing bad days and stormy weathers

You’ve made me look forward to making it through the day sane as look forward to seeing you

Frozen in time before you arrived

With your fiery hug you strived

Freed me of myself no longer numb

What is Friendship

it is a feeling of belonging you get from being around people that actually wants you around, people that make you feel happy and alive. Today my friends really made my day, we didn’t actually go any where at al, we where seated at a table and had lots of conversation and mocked each other joke fully, some got annoyed but still laughed, that the power of friendship. Although we aren’t that close I still feel apart of their inner circle, there family and am grateful for that. Being in the university is not as easy as one thinks, yes there’s freedom but any choice you make will definitely affect you in the nearest future.
My first university love made me question the reality love and existence of emotions and when we “broke up” I din’t feel hurt because i was used to getting hurt by her and that’s no different from the sienro. I didn’t realize in time that when she left, she took away my only source of happiness and after something i became this person who was sad, angry, hateful and wanted to be all alone, that changed me, until yesterday, I finally got the courage to stop a random girl and talked to her, that rush of pain that goes  directly to my chest and and feeling of a compliment when she gives me her number, that I missed and that brought me back to life. Before then I always told myself that I was the problem, I couldn’t just start a whole new relationship with someone new, the stress and all that, but that was a lie I told myself than accepting the fact I lost courage or “mojo”.

Block

I feel like with each breath I take am losing myself and getting more unsatisfied with it.
I feel like the weight of the whole world rests upon my shoulder, I feel like they are patiently waiting for me to screw up. The pain of rejection hurts more than death. I was told once that time heals the deepest wound and also leave the nastiest scare, I always visualized talking to you, I always thought of what to say to and now I have the courage I don’t feel like talking no more. Drowned in my thoughts, chocked by my feelings, my mind fogy playing tricks on me I don’t understand i wished I had a wish to take the pain away
Cause those p**l can’t help me.💔

Mash Of Emotions

Therapy is just an excuse to be called crazy
Have had my worse days where I wished I had a button to press and my whole life resets and starts afresh.

Have wished for a lot of things and asked me and asked myself where I would be if that didn’t happen. Many people doubt their self-esteem, some accept who they are and deal with certain situations. To be mature doesn’t only mean coming of age it means knowing the contrast between two things choosing the right part and dealing with your mistakes. Always remember all fingers are not the same
Same as all humans aren’t the same. Watch yourself, know who you are and where you come from.

Oh have they longed waited for my arrival
Ye a speech have I prepared for the rehearsal
Am finally back to my hemisphere
But the same time scared my “biggest fear”
Came with me. Oh what a crew world
Took my love away without a word
left alone in the dark left with my thoughts
But ye came fourth
Thy memories which we share
Takes the fear
Away